Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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