i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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