his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
