Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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