Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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