I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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