your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
