ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
