I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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