He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think my moral compass just broke
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