This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
