We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
