He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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