Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
