Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
