I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
