If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
