roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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