don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
