There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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