Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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