My brain says no but my pants say off.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
