This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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