apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
