my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
