hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize