I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize