What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
