My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
