Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
