By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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