Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
