Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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