I just pynch a tree in the face
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
