shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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