Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
