is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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