who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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