At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
