Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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