You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
