im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
