I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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