The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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