So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
