It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize