Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
