I could make wine with my vomit
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize