i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
