I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize