He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
