Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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