I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
