dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
