Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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