please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
