i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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