Pants 0. Shit 1.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
