so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
