He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
