Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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