Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
