I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
