You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize