Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just high enough for therapy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
