i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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