I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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