my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
