The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
