Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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